I was hoping to move quickly onto the final part of MMT but I’m not finding it easy decide what to take forward from what I have done so far and my latest feedback on Part 4 has sent me into even more confusion.
Faye’s immediate comments were very positive, far more so than my own assessment of what I’d done and therein lies my problem.
“That said, once again, you failed to recognise successes enough and drive even the tiniest idea further”
What is going on in my brain, am I too focused on completing the exercises just driving forward just to get it done? Is the statement true? What ideas am I missing and why do I feel that I’m doing plenty. Am I working hard but in the wrong direction? or on the wrong things?
During the early parts of MMT I did take my ideas further but I had to stop experimenting or I would never have got further than ‘joining’. But even at this stage my tutor didn’t think I was experimenting enough. I don’t want to get into a review of the course materials but I had felt at that point that I’d gone far further than the course brief had required.
“….but you should now be at the stage where you see the potential in your ideas and WANT to see how they might be investigated further”
I feel trapped, stuck in the ‘how do I know (recognise) what I don’t know?’ I’ve tried to find articles, teachings or explanations of how to assess what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’. There are practical explanations where you look at balance, conflict, contrast based on specific criterian. Then there are more emotional guidelines where you are guided by feelings of interest, instinct and passion.
Most of MMT has left me empty. Apart from some of the early macabre folded papers and the snapped plaster casts nothing I’ve done has made me feel anything much more than disappointed. I haven’t wanted to see then taken any further.
At this precise moment I feel like I’m begging for approval to carry on as I am, I want someone to pat me on the head and say ‘there, there it’s all okay, you’re brilliant, don’t worry’ and I’ve got a sneaking suspicion we’ve been here before. For heaven’s sake why can’t I get over this.
“Extract strengths more and try to become aware of elements that really work”
Is it because it’s a fact that nothing in MMT has raised any passion or interest in me? Or is it because I don’t have confidence in my skills and abilities to take these samples any further. What am I failing to see here?
“I definitely, definitely want to see a range of messy, free, uninhibited samples, but I hope also to see even just a few pieces that show this recognition and investigation”
This feels to me just a little bit unfair, I have lots more work but I have been working towards only sending a selection of my ‘best’ work to my tutor. The last time I sent everything it was such a huge amount that I still haven’t received it back from my tutor and that was 3 assignments ago.
Is it me then? Am I failing to show/demonstrate what I’ve done? Do I need to streamline my approach, focus on some small part of each sample and work in a linear way from sample 1, building on a single attribute and testing that?
Could it be that I’m following the Stages as laid out too robotically? At Stage 2 (sampling) I make lots of samples and record (probably not enough) the outcomes and then move onto Stage 4 – Sorting. Maybe I’m just not reading, or ‘getting’ this module?
This is another example of me not understanding the instructions:
“It would be great to see you explore combining other line qualities into your prints (stitch, collage, pen etc)”
The last intruction in Part 4, exercise 3 – the final one says ‘Once you’ve printed with your first block, record what you’ve learned and move on to making the next until you’ve printed with four collage blocks. If you’re feeling confident, consider using any of the monoprinting techniques to enhance these final collage block prints’. In Stage 3, clearly after the making of the samples it asks you to consider ideas that you may want to develop further. It doesn’t say do them.
I am already over the alocated time for this whole module and I still have another final part to complete and that’s with the added presure of the final Level 1 deadline breathing down my neck and a whole 3rd module still to do. Am I moaning and making platitudes or am I really not up to this.
“…..or see the value of how they look in a digital format”
This is something I always do, maybe less that this stage but cutting, chopping and changing/editing my work using my iPhone and iPad is instinctive but maybe this time Ive been guilty of hiding this work on my Instagram feed and not printing out the results or adding the results to my blog.
As you might have gathered, I really feel a little bit lost at the moment. I don’t know how to review my work with an impassive, professional eye. I do not know how to prioritise what I have to do.
I do feel like I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I’ve used materials and techniques that I never would have considered before and I’ve created a workroom full of samples but is that enough? Do I have the academic, artistic brain chemistry to recognise and develop the potential of any of my work?
Will the penny ever drop?
“You definitely can do this Sally, you just need the penny to drop about recognising your strengths and you will be away”
At this point I just feel like giving it all up. I feel like I have followed the course as it’s laid out and that within me I have learnt anything about how to approach my work and how to take it further. The feedback on my first project is the same as the last.
Am I that irritating contestant on one of those challenge/bake off/masterchef type programs that just isn’t listening? Have I totally missed the point of this module all together? Am I trying to be a general when I’m clearly only foot soldier material?